Me and Ben were all set to go see his friends Diego and Russell play at LS6 tonight. But then Ben rang Diego and he’s all ‘we’ll get a taxi to yours in 15 minutes!’ without even asking me whether I would be ready in time. I wasn’t going to be ready in time as I still had to do my nails.
Well, I started to feel uneasy about going to Diegos house before the gig. The reason being, is that I don’t feel welcome or comfortable around his friends. Sure, they’re nice people, but they never ask me anything, and I just can’t seem to find common ground with them. Everytime I think we’re starting to get along, I hang out with them again and they’ll be all cliquey and ignore me. I don’t think they’re being rude on purpose, they’re just best friends with each other so they probably don’t realize it’s harder for me to join in. Trammy and Kai have already had problems with me in the past.They’re really nice to me now, but I get the vibe they’re not bothered about me. They’re not interested in who I am, they just have to tolerate me because I’m Bens girlfriend. I just don’t want to be around people who make me feel bad.
I was looking forward to tonight, but then it started to feel more like a death sentence than going out to be social and fun. I found myself thinking ‘I really don’t want to go and hang out with these people’. So I started crying then the taxi came and Ben ran up to tell me we were leaving, but I couldn’t stop crying so I told Ben to go and have fun. He seemed really confused and pissed off that I didn’t wanna go. He doesn’t know how I feel. I really want to get along with his friends but somehow I think the moment’s passed…….